The veterinarian-ballerina-astronaut-babysitter... who worked from home.

"If you can imagine yourself doing anything, I mean ANYTHING else with your life-- go do it."

The wonderfully inspirational and motivating sentiments of my acting professor to our freshmen acting class. Don't get me wrong, I understand completely why these seemingly negative words were announced to us right off the bat. Acting is not for the feint of heart. Neither is show business in general for that matter. Here's the thing though, sitting in my desk I thought to myself "well there's a million things I could do..." And it's true, when I was six years old I was going to be a veterinarian-ballerina-astronaut-babysitter... who worked from home.

My last word(s) at the end of this life will probably be "oops"

Naturally, I learned I couldn't do all those things; so when I was a senior in high school looking at majors offered at my college of choice, I was going to double major in acting and graphic design with a minor in astronomy. HA! I genuinely believed I was going to do all of that, and I probably would have too if my advisor didn't look at me like I had an extra eye in the middle of my forehead (friggin' ambition-stifling potato in a suit.) So an acting major I became.

See, I'm a classic example of an enneagram 7, the enthusiast. If you are unfamiliar with the enneagram it is a system of analysis of different personality types (see: https://www.enneagraminstitute.com/type-descriptions for type descriptions). As a 7 I've always dabbled in a multitude of interests and hobbies. I love to paint, I'm obsessed with space, I'm skilled with makeup (beauty and SFX) and I'm really quite good at training dogs. There's a list a mile wide of the things I could see myself doing. However, the most important thing to note here is that: not a single one of them make me feel as exhilarated and alive as what acting does. And what kind of life is one that isn't exhilarating and pushes you out of your comfort zone? Exactly. So as I sat in my desk that day (pondering all of life's possibilities) I said "goodbye" to a life of financial security and "hello" to life as a living breathing artist.

That lovely little phrase uttered by my professor has been a funny little shadow following me since that day. I say this because I get it: if acting is going to be my career I better put my warpaint on. At the same time though, it angers me because it caused me to doubt myself. It deeply upset me that I even for a moment doubted what I was doing; as though if I decided 20 years from now that I wanted to do something else, I would have wasted my time. And that dear reader is simply not true. If acting has taught me anything it's that I can be anything in this world. Acting has taught me how to be a patient, compassionate, emotionally available and observant human. Now I am by no means an expert (I'm actually laughing at the prospect) I've only been graduated and embarking on my own for almost four years. I am no more than a person (like you) trying to figure out what the heck I'm doing, but that's exactly the point. There is no one way to go about a life as an artist. And while all the self-help articles, and books on how to be a great actor are helpful; at the end of the day you're still you, and you're a beautiful, living, breathing, UNIQUE individual. No one: no book, no teacher, no celebrity, no mentor can tell you how your life as an artist will be. You are you, and that's the wonderful part of it all. But holy hell is it terrifying as $*&@ !!!

And that is what this blog is about. This blog is about the clumsy, haphazard, peculiar and awkward beauty that is my life and career as an actress. This blog is for you: The anxious and excited wide eyed artist. The confused and lonely creator.

The absolutely terrified out of your gosh-darn gourd visionary.

This blog is for all those who are tired of feeling like you're alone in everything you're going through in your pursuit of your dreams. This blog is for me. It's a way to cope and laugh at this crazy journey.

This blog is going to serve as my sounding board, and if everything goes according to plan (which LOL when does it ever?) it's going to be a testament to the imperfect perfection of living your dreams.

I want this blog to be for others, what I wish I had as I go though figuring out how to be "successful."

So, here we go friends. Here's to embracing your lack of coordination in a crowd of perfect pirouettes.

Here's to being the veterinarian-ballerina-astronaut-babysitter... who worked from home.

Here's to being your awkward self.

I love you.

You're perfect. You're more amazing than you know. -Courtney

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© 2023 by Courtney Holly.